Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
Shop deviantART for the
holidays and save BIG!
Click here! :holly:
[x]

deviantART

:turbopoke:
 




I stood at the falls of her lush blue eyes
Round, reaching and pouring inward
Spires of multiple shades rapidly descending to the bottom
Static fog lifting off the pools below calls my name
and drops mottle my face and arms

Leaning forward, through silence, I allowed the weight of my body to give in and
drop...
For a few ecstatic moments this drifting lasted,
though I could have sworn it was a solid portion of my lifetime

I glanced downward, waiting to know what my fate with this would be
And it was then that I saw these falls would be inverted --
flowing in the opposite direction in seconds.
The whole of my being was flushed out of those eyes and that existence by her lucid, full tears.
Through, up, and out. Washed to the shore of difference and put down in the sands of recollection.
I've since taken a solitary journey, taking the time to enjoy the natural beauties of the world and its Creator...even despite the blood that still flows from my heart.
©2003-2009 ~bluenine
:iconbluenine:

Author's Comments

A turning point. Still bleeding, still on this journey...

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconlowra:
Possibly one of your best submissions...at least in my eyes. Seldom do we take the time to enjoy the natural beauties of the world anymore. Also, I think the imagery in this piece is more real to me than anything I've ever read by you. It touched me..especially in this time in my life.
Keep writing.

Love, Lowra

--
Beauty is the music that you give me. :heart: :music:
:iconinsenze:
You've some good elements here - the imagery is solid and descriptive. You find and maintain a good rhythm with your punctuation and line-breaks. 'For a few ecstatic moments this drifting lasted, / though I could have sworn it was a solid portion of my lifetime', 'lucid, full tears' - great wording, very vivid in the effect you create.
In my opinion it could use a bit of work in the last three lines where - they feel out of place.

Good job!
:iconspottysalamander:
hmm... I really like this poem, especially the way you use "I" rather than an abstract figure, and it sounds like more of a story form, while being a beautiful poem.
hmm, "And it was then that I saw these would would be inverted " was a little confusing to me at first, (partly because of the two "would"s?) but also because you talk about wondering how "this" would be, and then switching to "these"
Probably just my lack of understanding skill...

--
Love, Ceci
:iconleolekia:
it is beautiful i hope to see you keep writing

Details

March 6, 2003
0 bytes
39.5 KB
250×100

Statistics

4
1 [who?]
116 (0 today)
58 (0 today)

Share

Link
Thumb

Site Map